Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Today I'm on a Tirade...and it's about MYSELF!!!
I'm totally living in this place of frustration with myself. My nature in the past has been to be a tunnel vision type of person. When I'm into something...I'M INTO IT.
A year and a half ago it was coupon shopping. I lived and breathed it. I was saving money and it was good. But then it was my daughter's birthday and we put the house up for sale and my mind didn't seem to be able to handle it all. Then it was onto house plans...oh boy did I live and breath house plans! Somewhere in there I was really good and focused about my cleaning schedule for the house and planning out my meals. But I guarantee you I wasn't doing good with that while doing one of those other things.
Then there's the things I do that are easy to laugh at (and I do) but they also made me cry when I did them...like back into the garage door at the last house...two different times....both times from INSIDE the garage trying to get out! Then like 6 months ago I backed into a pole that only 10 minutes before when I got out of the car I had noticed and said to myself..."don't back into that pole" When these things happen I have an honest reaction of crying because I truly wonder what it wrong with me.
In the last year and a half I have experienced the emotion of being overwhelmed by things...and that NEVER use to happen to me. So my tunnel vision and my forgetfulness (or whatever you want to call it) affects more than just me. It affects my family because I get so enveloped in what I'm doing sometimes that I neglect other things that need to get done...even the simple things like laundry. But when you have a husband whose love language is Acts of Service...this doesn't exactly fill up his love tank!
So I spent yesterday telling my counselor how screwed up I am. She suggested that I plan out a daily schedule and really try to stick to it. Plan when I'm going to do blog design. Plan when I'm going to do housework. Plan when I'm going to exercise. Plan when I'm going to have my quiet time with God. I know that to some of you all this planning sounds heavenly....but to me it sounds like my own personal hell! But I'm going to do it and that will be the last time that I say I'm going to hate it! Because I really want to have a positive attitude about it and not train my brain to think that I can't do it! The other thing I'm suppose to do is go to the library and get this book about cognitive thinking. Apparently its about being in the moment that you are in instead of the next one....which is why I back into the garage door apparently...because my mind is thinking about what is next instead of what is currently going on. Right now I think that's what it means anyway. I need to get the book. Hopefully I can learn how to think cognitively...because the new garage doors need to stay dent free!!!
So that's my tirade. I'm frustrated with myself and the way I function. And I want it to change. Now I just need to make the effort and take the steps to move forward and do it!
Do any of you ever feel like this though? What is it about YOU that bugs YOU?