Today I'm on a Tirade...and it's about MYSELF!!!
I'm totally living in this place of frustration with myself. My nature in the past has been to be a tunnel vision type of person. When I'm into something...I'M INTO IT.
A year and a half ago it was coupon shopping. I lived and breathed it. I was saving money and it was good. But then it was my daughter's birthday and we put the house up for sale and my mind didn't seem to be able to handle it all. Then it was onto house plans...oh boy did I live and breath house plans! Somewhere in there I was really good and focused about my cleaning schedule for the house and planning out my meals. But I guarantee you I wasn't doing good with that while doing one of those other things.
Then there's the things I do that are easy to laugh at (and I do) but they also made me cry when I did them...like back into the garage door at the last house...two different times....both times from INSIDE the garage trying to get out! Then like 6 months ago I backed into a pole that only 10 minutes before when I got out of the car I had noticed and said to myself..."don't back into that pole" When these things happen I have an honest reaction of crying because I truly wonder what it wrong with me.
In the last year and a half I have experienced the emotion of being overwhelmed by things...and that NEVER use to happen to me. So my tunnel vision and my forgetfulness (or whatever you want to call it) affects more than just me. It affects my family because I get so enveloped in what I'm doing sometimes that I neglect other things that need to get done...even the simple things like laundry. But when you have a husband whose love language is Acts of Service...this doesn't exactly fill up his love tank!
So I spent yesterday telling my counselor how screwed up I am. She suggested that I plan out a daily schedule and really try to stick to it. Plan when I'm going to do blog design. Plan when I'm going to do housework. Plan when I'm going to exercise. Plan when I'm going to have my quiet time with God. I know that to some of you all this planning sounds heavenly....but to me it sounds like my own personal hell! But I'm going to do it and that will be the last time that I say I'm going to hate it! Because I really want to have a positive attitude about it and not train my brain to think that I can't do it! The other thing I'm suppose to do is go to the library and get this book about cognitive thinking. Apparently its about being in the moment that you are in instead of the next one....which is why I back into the garage door apparently...because my mind is thinking about what is next instead of what is currently going on. Right now I think that's what it means anyway. I need to get the book. Hopefully I can learn how to think cognitively...because the new garage doors need to stay dent free!!!
So that's my tirade. I'm frustrated with myself and the way I function. And I want it to change. Now I just need to make the effort and take the steps to move forward and do it!
Do any of you ever feel like this though? What is it about YOU that bugs YOU?
I hate when no matter how happy I try to be or how many nice things I say about people who are being stupid (like drivers and people in walmart) and no matter how much I strain to see the beauty all around me... I still feel blah and ornery and unhappy... and I have no idea why. I set up a schedule to my best to keep my busy... but that fails too... and I ask myself... and I the only one that the dark catches up with? YUCK!
ReplyDeleteGood luck to you and I hope you are feeling better and that you schedule works out for you! Do what makes you happy!
I spend too much time planning and not enough time doing. I get easily distracted and try to do too many things at once. Which means less gets done and less gets done WELL. And I also have the addictive/obsessive thing. I need to focus on the now and not the "why am I not THERE?" place that I often get caught in.
ReplyDeleteI hear you loud and clear Shannon!! I get frustrated with my lack of ability to follow through on things. I, too, am and acts of service person, and I want to give that gift to my family (and to myself in a few areas) and my intentions are good, but it seems like my time is "stolen" throughout the day and it leads to my own frustration at not being able to do what I want to do for others. OR, just not having enough energy at the end of the day to get those things done. I HATE letting people down, and it happens sometimes. Grrr!
ReplyDeleteMan - we are all so hard on ourselves - we all want to be perfect all the time. I am so thankful for people who blog the truth and speak reality - authenticity is gift - to the world around you... thanks for sharing your thoughts and your personal counseling session (if you've read my last 3 blogs you will know the things that bug me about myself). Seriously... a book on cognitive thinking... I say write a list for the rest of the family to do - sweep the dust under the rug - have a glass of wine and a piece of dark chocolate and treat yourself to a 2 hour massage - rent a comedy and laugh more - life is far too serious most of the time and you are exactly who God designed you to be - forward thinking and all. You are loved.
ReplyDeleteI'm with ya sister! That obsessive nature really gets us trapped sometimes, doesn't it. I guess we'll never be perfect on this side of heaven but we should strive to be more like Christ...guess that's all we can do...and pray a lot for help from God along the way to accomplish that goal...hang in there... :)
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Kel
I struggle with this all. the. time. Serioulsy. It's so hard to get everything done and feel organized doing it. Mostly, I just get overwhelmed and don't even start and then get even more frustrated.
ReplyDeleteoh I feel it! Seems like I can't be good at everything all at once....it's either the meals or the laundry or the shopping. Take your pick but somehow they don't all get done on a regular basis.
ReplyDeleteWhat's wrong with me? I need a passion. I don't feel excited. The things I do want to be excited about will probably never happen so I try not to think about them. I'm on a passion hunt!
I hear you! I see how tunnel-vision and forgetfulness must frustrate you, but I also see that your tunnel vision makes you very good at applying yourself to a task, and your forgetfulness comes from an ability to think ahead and plan for the near future.
ReplyDeleteSure, you may neglect the washing, but I bet when you get to it, you apply yourself with as much zeal as you do to your blog designs.
And you may back into a post while you're thinking three steps ahead, but you probably have prepared a heat-proof board ready to put a hot saucepan on rather than hopping around saying, "I've got a hot pan here - somebody get me a board to put it on!"
So I really loved what your counsellor told you. Don't take the Shannon out of Shannon, rather, organise it so that you can make it work FOR you, not against you.
I think a weekly timetable might be something to consider instead of a daily one. It will give you a bigger picture of all those things you need to do. I might do one for me as well, I could use a little help too.
Will pray for you in my Quiet Time.
PS what I HATE about me - I worry about health things, especially when there's a Health Promotion on. Right now they're raising awareness of ovarian cancer, so every little imaginary twinge has me worried even though I have no real symptoms, only imaginary twinges! Funny, I never get them when I'm too busy to worry!
When I get frustrated, you know what I do? I enter a Blog Giveaway! :) BTW, don't forget the Great Pop'rs Giveaway! The more you comment, the better chance you have of winning--Check it out!
ReplyDeleteI totally understand where you are coming from! I think we all have those moments when we just get so fed up with all our own crap!
ReplyDeleteI've had to put myself on a schedule as well but mine is less a schedule and more an order of doing things that I have found works well for me. It helps me keep my day flowing well and I feel more satisfied and happy on the days I stick to that order of things than on the days I get distracted and flip things around.
I'll be praying that you figure out a daily system that helps you get unfrustrated with yourself!
I am way to distractable. A schedule would be so great. I always feel more relaxed when I have a schedule. It's putting the schedule together that never seems to happen. I start, but get distracted...and start blogging :) seriously, though, there is nothing wrong with you, like Kelly said, we just don't get to be superwomen in this life.
ReplyDeleteI love your blog! It is so creative! I am very new to blogging but trying! Check out my blog at...
ReplyDeletewww.shellinyourpocket.blogspot.com